clarity at 4am

Who knew that conversations taking place at 4 o'clock in the morning could make so much sense?

I've been having 4am conversations every morning this week. I haven't been sleeping well and by the time I decide to stop tossing in bed and walk out to the computer, its about that time that a certain boy gets home from work & signs into AIM. And we talk...and talk...and talk. At 4am....2 hours before my alarm is set to go off...and I'm sitting on the computer pouring my heart out. This boy, he knows me. I've told him things that I haven't told anyone else, not a single person, only him. I know it sounds odd. It sounds odd that I've made the connection that I have with him over a computer (we have meet 'in real life'). It sounds odd even to my friends, the ones who know that I've met many boys online, hell, I even married one. And I don't know how to explain this one to them. I know it seems like he came out of nowhere, but we've been talking for almost a year now. A whole year. That's crazy to me when I stop and think about it. We went thru spurts for awhile...we would talk daily, then weekly, then daily, then weekly, then monthy, then daily, you get the picture. We talk about everything. We talk about how our day went, what we're doing on the weekend, past loves, future hopes, the weather...everything. But my favorite thing about him is really easy....we talk. It's that simple. It's not him asking me how my day was that matters, it's the fact that he waits for my answer, that he listens to my answer and that he cares about my answer. We can talk stupid, silly talk and then smoothly move into serious talk and this morning was one of those times. We went from silly to serious and it was a very good talk. I was reminded why I like him so much. And this morning he brought something out in me that is very rarely seen....patience. I'm very much of an instant gratification type girl. I know what I want & I want it now. I rarely shop online for that very reason, I don't want to wait for it. I'd rather go to a store & pay more for an item, just to be able to have it now. But this boy, I can wait for him. We've been almost a year in the making...I can wait a few more weeks for his life to return to some normalcy. I'm nervous about this, very nervous. But that's OK, because I know that at some point he will ask me how I'm feeling about this, about him, about us...and then he'll wait for my answer, he will listen to my answer and he will care about my answer.