{still around}

Part of my horoscope:

The best part of today will be the fact that you'll finally be able to get rid of a thorn in your side. Take it out quickly -- the relief you feel will carry you through your day and refresh your ideas about what can get done.

I won't go back & search, but I'm sure I've mentioned a friend of mine that annoys me often. I've known this person for nearly 6 years and have become very close to her. She is the only (semi-local) friend of mine that has children and she is also a single mom....we relate to each other in a way that I can't relate to other friends of mine. We'll call her X. lol
While talking to my best friend Martha, this other friends name was brought up & Martha mentioned that she hasn't heard me talk good of X once during the past year, that I've been nothing but annoyed by her & the things she's done. And let me tell you, in the past year, she's done somethings that should have caused me to end the friendship right then & there. (does sleeping with a boy I had dated, just "to find out what the big deal about him is" ring a bell. yep, her) I always overlooked things though. She was my friend. She had been there for me when I needed her, she was next to me in good & bad. We had inside jokes, we had stories, we memories, we had history. That's hard to let go of.
Recently, things have gotten worse and I've realized it's best to let go. I can't handle the negative outlook, the snippy comebacks at every comment I make, the 'woe is me, I hate the world & I don't plan on changing anything' attitude. Really, my life is not perfect. Far from it. I mean, lets recap... I'm living nearly 2 hours away from my friends & family, struggling to pay bills, still legally married after 3 1/2 years of seperation to a man whose girlfriend gave birth last week to a baby that looks like mine, hardly get out of the house (unless I'm going to Orlando) because I know nearly no one in the area, my daily life consists of work, cook dinner, help with homework & then fight off crashing by 8pm. I have wonderful friends, but not local. (unless we count Scott, but he has his own lifestyle & friends, we talk, we hang out & watch TV, but it's not the same life that I had in Orlando.) And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. I love it here, I love this life I'm leading. It's not perfect, I'm working on it, I'm trying to make myself better everyday, and you don't see me running around like the world is out to get me & being a bitch towards everyone that comes in contact with me.

So yesterday was the final straw. Comments yesterday came out of the blue & were brutal. Maybe it's cause it's 'that time of the month', but yesterday hurt extra hard. And I'm tired. I'm tried of trying to show her the bright side of things, tried of taking the rude comments & brushing them off, just plain tired. So I'm done. Yesterday hurt. I don't know if she knows I'm done or not. I don't know when she will realize that I'm purposely not speaking to her. I don't know if she even will notice. Any time I've tried to be snippy with her in the past, she blows right over it. My snippy attitude is 1% of her normal bitchy attitude, she dosen't even notice it, it's what normal is to her. My point is, I feel like I lost a friend yesterday. And that makes me sad. And good. Yep, good. Good that I am stopping the cycle of her being rude to me, making me fell horriable. Good that I don't have to deal with the negativity daily any longer. If she comes around with her attitude, she's more than welcome back in my life, but at this point, there's no room for her.