I've found myself playing this game lately. With myself. A game that I use to protect myself. To make my actions make sense. I fool myself into thinking a certain truth, even though I don't have to dig very far to know it's a lie. I didn't used to do this. Not until earlier this year. Not until I realized that every second of what I thought was the best time of my life was really nothing more than lies built upon lies. And I blame him. Totally & completely blame him.
There are days that I realize how much it impacted me. Lately the days have come more often than they used to. These are the times I realize the game I have going with myself.
All day today the words 'Don't worry, I've got you' echoed thru my head.
I want to lose this game. I want to let go completely without the fear that he left implanted in me. Unfortunately, as bad as I want to lose, I'm still fighting to win. Not fighting as hard as I previously had, but fighting none the less.
Will that one simple comment wipe away the damage he left? I doubt it. Is this one 'THE one'? Maybe, but maybe not. For now though...I'm feeling safe. And that's enough to drag me out of the shade & into the playing field, ready to try my hardest at winning this game against myself.
1 comment:
sending you hugs, girlie.... it's hard to be hurt and to trust again... but you will miss the chance for happiness if you fear the hurt too much...
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