{I'm not 21 anymore}

*warning*If you have a 'sanitly' image of me (as my friend M said she had), take two steps back & close your eyes while I use my pitchfork to pop that bubble. I'm responsiable, I know right from wrong, I know my boundries, but I know how to have fun, how to enjoy life. This is my space & I'm not gonna powder puff any of this to save an image I may have going. Dosen't mean it's bad stuff, cause it's not, but it's my real life.

So here goes.

I met A about a month ago. Actually met him the day after I saw J for the first time. Just another random guy IMing me on Yahoo, same as 20 other IMs I get each day. But his wasn't rude, it wasn't "OMG your hot, I wanna do you, your t**s are huge, your a** is fine...etc etc etc." So I talked to him for a bit. Just talked about stuff in general. Ended up talking for 2 hours that night. Found out he lives very near me, right downtown. We had a few short talks every night for the next week or so and then the following weekend we were talking, I mentioned how I was frustrated with work, frustrated with J, was tired & needed a break. Long story a little shorter, he ended up coming over that night. We ordered pizza (funny story there, but won't get into it), watched some movies on DVD, had a few drinks...just hung out. And it was nice. I was comfortable around him, we laughed, we talked, we enjoyed each others company. We hung out some more that weekend...and have pretty much hung out during the week & every weekend since then. And it's cool. He's cool, he's funny, he's smart, he's honest. We laugh, we have serious conversation, we have silly conversation, we color together. LOL. Yeah, we have color-offs & I must say I've been winning...by default though, his ADD kicks in & he dosen't want to play anymore. ;)And, to top it all off, he's cute. No, actually.. He's hot. Yeah, hot is the word. LOL

So yeah, that's my distraction right now. We're friends, we hang out & we have fun. We have fun that leaves my house looking like there was a frat party here the night before. We have fun that allows me to come up with silly comments for when I'm at the speaker at his building & needing him to buzz me in, until each time I remember that I don't know the code & I end up just calling him...but still use my well planned silly comment. We've had conversations where there are no words, just faces that we make at each other that some how make sense to us. Dude, he asks to see any new layouts I've done since the last time he was here. I mean, come on! He offers to show my his culinary skills (he's a trained Chef) & then hands me a plate with salt, mustard & soft pretzals from the freezer on it. We fight over which station to listen to, weather it's on my iTunes or his satalite radio. We fight over how much rum to pour in the others cup...and end up with us both drinking from each others all night. I force him to watch a girly show, he forces me to watch football. (which really I enjoy, but he dosen't need to know that) Most importantly, we have an agreement. We're both adults, we know what's going on and we know where we stand with each other. It's a very clear line. Usually. It got kind of blurred this weekend. He was over here Thursday night & Saturday night, I was over there last night. My friend M was there with me last night too. First guy since my ex-husband that ANY of my friends have met. Isn't that crazy. The one guy that I have no intentions of a relationship with & he's the one that gets to meet my friends.
I had a blast last night. We all talked, we all drank, we attempted to watch Napeolon Dynomite, but just couldn't get into it. He showed us his, ahem...toys..and we all giggled. It was fun. And then there were the times that we would lock eyes, we would have those quick wordless conversations that would end up with us hiding in the kitchen & stealing a quick kiss...or the longer kisses when M would use the bathroom. She knew it would happen, don't go thinking I'm a bad friend or anything. We drove two cars so that she could leave when she felt ready to, plus he's down the street from me, would have been silly to backtrack for either of us.

So yeah. He blurred the line. He blurred it when he got kinda short when asking about another boy that I know (not J) and when the last time I talked to him was. He blurred it when he got all hug-gy on me. He blurred it when I told him that the 2 nights in a row thing is not good and he told me that it is. This guy, this guy has made something that was so very clear, he's made it cloudly. And now I don't know. Deep down I do know, but the surface thoughts are there & are clouding things up. And we're gonna have to talk. But it's gonna be OK. I know he'll be honest with me and I know that no matter what, we're each other's favorite gobbers & everything will be fine.

And now, I'm going to bed. Yes, bed at 8pm. Cause I'm exhusted from yesterday/last night. Cause I am being reminded tonight that I'm not 21 anymore. Cause parts of my body that I didn't even know had muscles in them are sore. Cause I CAN "hang with the A" as he says it. And cause I need my rest, gotta kick his ass in coloring again very soon.