WOW

The comments on this entry popped up in my email today. At first, I was going to deleate it. Then I thought about it more and read it over & over again & now with hands shaking because I'm so mad, I'm adressing it here. This is MY place to vent & say what I want, so that's what I'm going to do right now. Forgive me now, cause I'm sure this will get longwinded.

1. Whether the amount the state would award you or not, should not be an issue, as these amounts are usually outrageous anyway.

How do you figure that? I don't know what state you live in, but in Florida the parents are able to set an amount. If it's more or less than the state recommended amount, the parents are required to justify it to the courts, who have the final say. Her father & I have discussed the amount that the state recommends & we agree on it. There has never been an issue of it between us. I've just never asked him to pay it as I don't feel right doing that when we had agreed to a lower amount to begin with. We both agreed that when WE file for the divorce/support, he will begin paying it at that time. I could have filed years ago & got the money if that was my underlying goal, but it's not.

2. The fact that you feel guilty, should tell you something about it being wrong...because the bottom line is that without a court order, he has STILL paid you child support...that says alot about a man, when so many out there complain that they get nothing with a court order.

It does say a lot about him. Have I ever bad talked him? In real life or on here? No. I haven't. I've gotten frustrated about him & bitched about him, but I've never once said that he's a bad father, a bad (ex) husband. Never. I've defended him to people who do bad talk him. I've told many people about the great relationship that he & I continue to have. I don't feel guitly filing for support, that is not what I ment. I care about him. I, at times, miss our relationship. I know this man better than anyone else knows him, I truely believe that. And because of that, I know what feelings he's going through right now. The guilty feeling comes with adding this on top of his current stress.

3. The fact that your daughter needs shoes, etc...I agree with, however, the daughther is 50% yours, and therefore, you should also have to pay 50% of the costs of raising her...at him paying 400USD, thats 800USD a month if you put in your half. I can't believe you need more than that to support a child.

OK, this one is where I got really mad while reading this comment. I could sit here & list every penny that I pay to support her...rent, gas, food, utilties, health insurance, child care, etc...but really, that's none of your business. Not saying he's responsiable for 100% of those bills listed, thats not at all what I think, but they are all required for her safety & growth. They are all items that are taken into consideration when the state comes to an amount owed, all items that are filled out in the financial affidavit forms. I could really go on & on about this one, but when it comes down to it, you don't know my income or his income. You don't know the cost of my rent, my utilties, my grocries, my health insurance for her. Without knowing that info, you can't possiably tell me how much it should cost to support her.

4. By not caring about his other child, you are making a decision for him that your child is more important than the other. No father should ever be put in this position, especially one that pays you regularly without a court order. You would not want him to think his second child is more important than his first, just because he lives with him/her, but it's ok for you to think that your child is entitled and his second is not.

I just re-read my whole entry & confirmed what I thought. I never once said I didn't care about his other child. I never once said that my child was more important than this one. I would never ask him to choose a favorite or pick which one is more important. Let me share something with you. My parents divorced when I was 2, my mom found out on the day the divoce was final that she was pregnant with my brother. My dad never disputed it was his child, they are mirror images of each other. My mom never once went to court for support for my brother. My dad went on to have 3 more children. Many times, he told me that I was his favorite. So many years I would get calls on my birthday, cards in the mail with money in them from him....and on my brothers birthday, there was no phone call, no cards. I never got pleasure from getting more attention. It made me feel horriable. I never want my child to think of her father the way I think of mine. I don't want her to be his favorite. I don't want her to think she's more important.

5. If you instead had two children by him, you would not feel that your first daughter is entitled to more than your second, the household monies available for the kids would have to be split...why should it be any different?

This one is simple. The state guidelines adjust by the amount of children. Plain & simple. This is not my case, there's no point in even bringing this up.

6. The fact that he has voluntary paid and you have behind his back tried to go for more, will no doubt make him feel deceived and angry, and I guess you would rather have nicer shoes for your daughther than for your daughter to grow up with a set of parents that treat each other with respect and that someday her father can actually tell her what a WONDERFUL and honest mother he has.

I already addressed how I want my daughter to grow up feeling about her father. Do you know that part of the reason we sepearted to begin with was so that she could grow up with two parents who have a good relationship, as opposed to two parents who argue all the time, like we were doing? From day one, we have made her our top priotiy. We've made a commitment to never hear one of us talk about about the other, to never argue in front of her. Without you knowing all the details of my relationship with him, I don't feel you have any right to knock the choices I make. I never had any intent on filing the paperwork without him knowing. In fact, I told him the very night I posted that entry. On top of that, he brought it up that night. I would have told him no matter what, but he knew it was something that needed to be addressed & he brought it up. From reading your blog, it appears that you're a bit upset about your partners ex asking for money for their childs shoes. Maybe that was my mistake, using shoes as an example, something that you were mad about to begin with when you came across this post.

7. The fact that he will now have to pay more, will only mean that when your daughter is with him, he'll have even less to spend on HER.

I alsmot don't even want to address this one. It shouldn't matter how much money has to spend on her when they are together, all she wants from him is time. She's content sitting on the floor coloring with him. He dosne't have to spend money to make her happy. Besides, I'm not asking for his paycheck, I'm not leaving him with no money. I'm asking that he pay his part for her. Thats it.

There is no doubt that parents, both parents, should support their children. However, the greed of those around you that are thinking ONLY of the financial benefit of your child, are putting a price on the happiness of your child. You can by law request any amount you want, but I hope that he can always pay. Anytime he can't, he will be sent to jail. Anytime he can't, his credit will be ruined. Anytime he can't, his license will be revoked. And I truly believe that your child should never ever have any doubt that her mom cared enough about her father, that it was more important to follow the advise of people who put a price on her happiness...instead of ensuring that she always had a good time with her dad...just like your child would come to hate her dad if he found out that he put you in jail, took everything away from you or left you on the street, she will someday find the truth and when she does, she will resent you for it.

The people around me are not thinking of the financial benifit of her. They are watching me struggle on a daily basis, watching me drive a beat up car with no A/C (in FLORIDA I might add), they are taking her for days at a time when I can't pay for child care that week so that I can instead buy grocries, they are buying her a new dress when there's somewhere nice she needs to be & I can't afford it. They are watching him drive a new car, spend money on clothes & girlfriends, tattos & piercings, weekends at the beach with the current flame, child care for a current girlfriends kids. And you know what? A big chunk of these people, they are his family. His mom, his sister, his brother. They all agree with me. They call me & tell me that I should do something, that it's not right how he acts.

Would your thoughts on me be different if you knew that my mother wrote of years of back child support to keep my dad out of jail? Would they change if you knew that I struggle to pay my bills & keep food in the fridge? Would they change if you knew that part of our agreement upon spliting up was that he would pay for my cell phone, by his choice, so that he would have a way of always getting in youch with our daughter and then, without warning, stopped when he got his first girlfriend after me & instead started paying for her cell phone? Would they change if you knew that for the past 3 years, I've asked him to help with her birthday party costs & he's never once agreed, even though the majority of people there are his family? My daughter will never resent me, she will grow up with two loving parents who care deeply for each other. I'm not putting him in jail, I'm not putting him on the street. You're going way overboard here. I've read your blog. All 2 entires, both concerning child support. I'm sorry that you feel shafted in your situation. Personaly, I would NEVER post (or attack you) on your blog considering that I don't know you or all the details of your life.

This whole thing really leads back to one thing. You, someone who has never come across my path ever before, have decided to attack my thoughts and opinions without knowing me at all. From one blog entry you can't tell that he & I have a great relationship. You can't tell that I talk to him on a daily basis, just talk, not always about her, but just talk about our lives. You can't tell that he & I both cried when he told me about his girlfriend being pregnant. You don't have any clue who I am, who he is or our situation. Our lives can not be summed up in one blog post.