{waiting}

Talked to Jimmy tonight. It amazes me how my stomach still flips over him.

The news he (and I in a way) had been waiting for came back. And it wasn’t in his favor. I don’t know what this does to ‘us’. On one hand, it’s good to know, to not have to wonder about it anymore, but on the other hand it’s not the answer he (we) wanted, it’s definatly not the happy ending, not the easy option. He’s produced more info & it’s being reconsidered, but I just don’t think anythings going to change. And then, is it really over? He said it would be, no matter what the ending is, he agreed that that would be the end…at least to the other party. To me he confesed that if it’s not in his favor, he dosen’t think he can just give up that easily. And I don’t want him to give up. This is huge, this means the world to him. I want it over with, so he can move on, but I don’t want it over with in this way. Right now, all I want to do is hug him. I’m so tempted to pick up the phone & let him get it all out, let him yell & cuss & cry….like I know he would do. But I won’t. I’ll resist that call because this isn’t about me. It concerns ‘us’, but it isn’t about me. And I can wait. I can wait til the time is right. If that time never comes, then it’s not ment to be, but I have feeling that it is.