{it's worth it}

Had a nice weekend. A very good weekend actually. It was nice to go 'home' to Orlando, but even better to get back 'home' to St Pete. Confirmed that I love being here. That it's right for me to be here. The choices that brought me to Tampa/St Pete may have not been the right choices, I can admit that, but I wouldn't change any of it. There were many factors that brought me here & even though the big one was wrong, the rest were right. This is excatly the change that I needed.

With that being said, it was great to be in Orlando. Roads that I know like the back of my hand. People greeting me with hugs. Going to lunch with Valerie. Good times. What may have been the best part of the day...pulling up to the building to surprise Chie & her walking out to go to lunch right at that moment. Chie & I have worked together for about 7 years now & I miss her so very much. We haven't been in the same office in almost 3 years, so we've resorted to emailing each other almost daily. Chie. I can't even describe her. Just that I love her. She's Chie. She's crazy, she's silly, she's forgetfull, she's 98 lbs soaking wet, she puts slant eyes on her smiley faces, she's allergic to acholol & turns red when she drinks, she has an insane boyfriend that would try to stop the world if she asked him to, she's the reason I say "God love her, cause someones got to".... and she's 5 months pregnant. (She is NOT 98lbs anymore LOL!) I haven't seen her since she got pregnant & really didn't belive her when she would tell me how huge she is....so I decided to pop by her office & surprise her. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot, she walked out, saw me & said, "SEE! I'm HUGE! Let's go shopping!". See, it's Chie. Love her.

Ironic part of the weekend... James got into St Pete about the same time that I left. He has a rare Saturday off & was spending it with his kids. Good thing, cause I was begining to play the evil ex-wife role & bug him about needed to see the kids. I've seen him more recently than his kids have....how bad does that make me feel?! Granted, he's tried to get them during his weekday days off & schedules didn't match up. Anyways, typical of us for him to come to town the day that I leave. Typical of our relationship.
The question of the weekend for us was, is it worth it? Not just us, but things in our life. That's our new catch phrase I guess, joining 'I know you better than that'. When we complain about something going on, we ask the other, is it worth it? The conversation eventually turned to us. To weather or not 'we' are worth fighting for. It's been over three weeks since we've seen each other. We may be able to meet up this weekend, but I'm not sure yet. Any other realtionship, this would be beyond the 'give it up' point for me. Too much work. Too much thought. Too hard. There's plenty of other guys out there. But something is stopping me from giving up....and something is stopping him from giving up. That's such a good feeling. A strange feeling...to know that the person you're fighting for is fighting for you too... It seems so easy. We both want it, just take it....but we can't right now. And that's what we fight for. Fight the obstacles that fill the 125 miles between us. Fight the conflicting work schedules. Fight the battered hearts of old relationships, the fears of jumping into shallow water head first. But in the end, we agree... it's worth it.