{throw me a rope}

I want you between me and the feeling I get when I miss you
But everything here is telling me I should be fine
So why is it so, above as below,
That I'm missing you every time

He says I'm 'on the outside' in his life. Meaning that, I'm not in the 'biz', I'm in the outside of work circle. He's 'on the outside' of my life to an extent. I mean, my friends know about him, but no one has met him. Same goes for him, they know about me, but haven't met me. (BTW, you should fill me in on how you answer the 'Who's this Liza girl' question, I'd love to hear what you say) So we have this little inner circle, just me & him. And I love it.

This circle allows us to talk about things that I don't talk to anyone else about. That added in with the fact that he can tell when I'm not saying something. So this weekend it led to the 'single & alone' talk. I hate. I really do. I didn't realize it until this weekend. Maybe it was because Emma was gone all weekend for the 2nd weekend in a row (and will be gone next weekend too). Maybe because we discussed me coming down to visit Saturday night...and it would have been the first time we saw each other since we decided to not continue dating.....which only reminded me once again that there's just one more great guy out that, that I can't have.

Here's the truth. I have plenty of guys around me. In fact, Sunday, I had to be careful replying to text messages as I was talking to Erik & Eric. Those two...not sure I'd place them in the 'good guy' catogory...hot, but not 100% good. There's Todd. Wonderful guy, but busy as all get out....between a 50+ hour/week job, school & his daughter once a week & every other weekend. We talk daily, but the finding to see each other part is tough. And Scott. My Scott. That boy has saved me more times than he knows....and all he ever asks from me is some fresh made kool aid. He calls me his rock DJ due to the hours we've spent on the phone with me playing music & asking if he knows what the song title is, he brings Tijana Flatts for us for dinner, and always gets my picky order right. I can't count how many late nights, I've answered my door in my PJs...and he would walk in, in his PJs, grab some kool aid & sit on the floor & watch a movie with me until I fell asleep...on the non movie nights, he would let me talk & talk & talk, just bitching about my life in general, then he'd kiss my forehead & offer me some kool aid.....

So that was the talk of the weekend. How James & I both hate being alone. Then this morning...during the normal flurry of emails between Scott & I he throws in that he's thinking about moving home, to Ohio. And it hit me. What James tried to convince me of over the weekend, what I denied over & over... that one comment from him made it all real.

So I talked about it with him for a little bit. I told him that before I made my move, someone told me.... moving does nothing but change your location. And I get that now. I reminded him that there was a point where I wasn't sure I wanted to be here, that I wanted to go back to my life in Orlando, that I was sure I made a bad move. And then I met this cool guy. And he told me all the reasons I should stay, all the reasons I should give this new town more of a chance. He listed off a dozen plus places that I need to visit in the area and I told him that he just voluntered to take me, to which he agreed. So when he dropped that bomb on me today, I reminded him that if he was leaving then he had some showing around to do first. And without admiting anything further to him, I simply told him... I could say LOTS more, but I won't, I'm being selfish, I'm protecting myself and I'm changing the subject now.

So throw me a rope to hold me in place
Show me a clock for counting my days down
Cause everything's easier when you're beside me
Come back and find me
Cause I feel alone