...Thanks A LOT for taking Alli to the park. Its hard to be away from her so its comforting to know that my family is taking good care of her. I am going to be on myspace often in Iraq so...
My sister.
My little sister.
I will never have the relationship with her that two sisters should have. She just turned 23 and I'm almost 30 and I feel that I hardly know her. I look at photos of her as a teenager & realize, I have no clue who that person is. Vice versa too, she doesn't truly know me. I know that nothing can bring back the years that have already escaped us, but I've vowed to do my best with the ones that are coming up.
She's leaving any day now for Iraq. Her second run there. 15 months at least.
I won't use this as a forum to discuss my thoughts on the war, partly because I don't have any that have a solid foundation. The only thing I know for sure is that I want her to be safe. I want her to come home. I want her to raise her daughter. I want her to be around for me to get to know.
And Miss Alli. I love that little girl. I look at her & feel so much. She's my only niece. She could be Emma's best friend one day. I want to help her grow. I want to be her favorite aunt (other than in laws, she's got 3 uncles & only one aunt, I think the odds are good) and her friend. Most of all, I want her to know her mom, but the thought of her being gone for so long...and the possibility of her not coming home...it scares me beyond words.
On a side note... A few weeks ago Em & I spent the night at my dads house. My middle brother was there also, with his two boys. (Noah is 2 1/2, Luke is about 4 months now) His wife was gone for the weekend & he can't handle both boys on his own just yet, so he hung out there for the weekend. During breakfast my dad walked over to the island in the kitchen, where Emma & Noah were sitting on barstools eating cereal and Alli was in her high chair eating. Luke was also nearby, in his swing. He laughed & while pointing to Alli, Emma, Luke & Noah, he said, "Almost all my kids are home! Tabitha, Liza, Jesse and Justin! We're just missing Wes!" It was one of those happy heart moments, that I will never forget.
Tabby. Without knowing it, she made my heart happy tonight. Sad, but happy. I wish I could explain to her just how much I look forward to seeing her again. I wish she knew that even if I was the only one taking care of Alli while she's gone, that little girl would have more love than she knows what to do with.
For now, I'll use the magic of myspace to keep in touch with her and say a prayer for her safety every day.
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