{toxic}

There's a girl here at work, we eat lunch together everyday. She has a child who is very sick. He wasn't expected to survive birth, he's now almost 11 months old. Her days are filled with tests & alarms, her cell phone is always at her side in case she needs to go home & be with him at a moments notice. It's a common question here of, how does she do it? And we all know the answer. Faith. Plain and simple. She will tell you straight out, the doctors don't deal in miracles, but He has control over this. She really is inspiring. And in the short time I've been here, I've come to love that little boy that I've never met. And I worry about him. But she quickly wipes away those thoughts, reminding me that everything is in someone else's hands, and she trusts those hands.

The other day at lunch she was stressing over a hospital trip they had to make. It was going to be the first time she transported him in her vehicle, instead of having an ambulance transport him. Then she said something that hit me harder than anything she's ever said to me before.
"I need to believe in what I believe in." Really, that's so simple, but it's so hard too. It's easy to say, this is who I am, but hard to be that person sometimes. Easy to say, I turn this over to my faith, but so hard to let go.

This move has meant so many things for me. One of them was the opportunity to be who I say I am. The chance to recreate myself into the person that I've always been. It's so easy to get bogged down by the people around you. Forced into this little corner of who they think you are. I think we are all like that a little. There's a piece of us that we want to show the world, but are scared to. What would everyone think? This was my chance. Granted, I could have done this in Orlando, but I didn't. This move wasn't all about this, there were other reasons also of course. And really, this wasn't a reason at all, it was more of a chance I saw once I got here.

I swear this all has a point and relates.

I sent this article to Sheri a month or so ago... Associate with positive people
It's something that I talk to her about a lot, about the 'toxic' people in her life. How she should be done with them. She often replies with the same thing, but she's my friend and I would miss her...or something to that effect. :) My response is often the same, you aren't gaining anything from the friendship and it's not worth the effort you put into it. And yes, I think you should gain something from a friend. Not something tangible, but something emotional. OK. How this all relates.
I have that toxic friend. Sheri has pointed it out many times. Yet, I don't let go. Goes back to the whole easier said than done thing.
Last night may have been the last straw. This morning I re-read that article. This part hit me:

However, you should not go out of your way to call that person several times
each day if he or she is going to put you down or fill the conversation with
negative remarks.

So many times I've picked up the phone, or emailed or IMed this person, all excited to tell her something, only to have it shoot down. Negative remarks left & right. Now. a few people have told me that she is overly jealous of me & some things in my life. That could be true. But no matter the situation, she has something negative to spin on it. And what really gets me, she can be excited about the same thing as me & it's the best thing since sliced bread, even though when I was excited about it a month ago, she shot it down. KWIM? That was hard to put into words. LOL I just can't imagine going through life being so bitter, so negative. Yet, I don't cut her presence in my life down. I had an excuse (like Sheri ;) ) that she was the only one I really hung out with. Yes, I have other friends, I have better friends, but she was the 'convenient' one. She was the one that could meet met at Don Palbo's in an hour. She was the one that never minded a trip to Chuck E Cheese cause she has kids too. I'd look forward to hanging out with her, but then I'd come home drained. So now, I'm over an hour away. She's still a phone call away, but those phone calls aren't, let's go to Target, I'll meet you there. So now, what's my excuse now?
There is none. There doesn't have to be one. I can see the friendship for what it is now. And I don't need it.
I won't cut her out, but I will limit my interaction. And in doing that, I will gain my positive outlook back, cause I have noticed, the only time I get really negative is around her.

Here's to positive change!