{overheard at my desk} part two

r: Don't forget to get mail tubs. (for the 10th time in the past hour)
me: I KNOW!
(10 minutes later)
r: You forgot already didn't you?
me: Forgot what?

upon getting in matt's new car:
me: why did you buy a car with leather seats?
r: who the hell has leather seats in florida?
val: damm, my ass is burning.
matt: you can all walk.
me: look! if you pull up on the 'oh shit' handles, it holds your butt off the seat!
r: oh! everyone pull up!
val: I'm just gonna stand (stands & turns her butt towards the window)
matt: everyone in the back seat needs to let go of the handles
val: does that mean I can keep standing?
me: you have on-star? can we call them?
matt: why?
me: to tell them that their commericals make me cry
val: what's this button do? (with her finger sitting on the police button)
matt: it calls the police. if you touch it & make them come, I will tell them to tazer your ass.
val: what's this button do? (with her finger on the LED light)
matt: it's not a button, it just means it's on.
me: can you turn it off? would it still be on-star or would it be off-star?
matt: seriously. start walking.


j: what did you have for lunch?
me: we went to chipotles and there were 2 cops there and i was going to ask them to let me see their gun but one of them has pulled me over before and the other one looked like he likes to drink heavily so i didn't ask them but i was trying to just look and see if it looks like the one i saw last night but val said it looked like i was trying to check out their packages and she said i should stop and matt said just ask and val said they wouldn't show me if I asked...
j: Stop and breathe.
me: deep breaths. so then we went to stone cold & rick bought me ice cream and..
r: I didn't BUY it. Val had free coupons, so matt & I paid so that her & val got their's free.
me: It was like a date. He bought me ice cream. And I didn't even have to sleep with him.
UPS guy who has been listening to conversation: Wow. I can't wait til I go on vacation and Jeremy delivers for me, after everything I've already told him about you, he's gonna love this one.
(Jeremy is the stand in UPS guy that I have a mad crush on & made the mistake of letting the regualr UPS guy know about)

(after signing for FedEd & using the name Madonna)
FedEx guy: spell it for me again? A-M-U...
me: No. M-A-D-O-N-N-A.
FedEx guy: your name is not Madonna.
me: Yes it is.
FedEx guy: It's Liza. I see you everyday, I know your name. I just can't spell the last name. Come on.
me: Fine, I won't strike a pose for you then.
FedEx guy: Tomorrow?
me: Maybe, but I may not be in the mood tomorrow.