not making things easy

He's not making this easy on me, not at all.

Let's call him D. We met back at Christmas, he says he want's 'a lot more' from our relationship but can't really do anything until his job calms down (he owns/manages 2 retail stores). This was almost 2 months ago. We still see each other, but then he dissappers for 2 weeks...no email, no phone call, nothing.

During that 2 weeks, I got worried, then I got mad, then I got over it. Along comes other boy, call him R. Now, he didn't just pop up, we've known each other almost a year now, we became quick friends, lots in common and just a gut feeling of him being an awesome guy. (example, we had plans to meet & he kept breaking them, not something I let guys get away with, but for some reason, I looked past it in him. Gave him LOTS more chances than I normally do.) So in the 2 weeks that D is MIA, R & I meet up. Awesome. Even better than I expected. We talk and talk and talk and I realize I can be so much more than friends with this boy.

Then, D pops back up, was in a bad car accident, spent time in the hospital, had to find a new car and drops off 2 dozen roses (see previous post of random photos). I say, fine, whatever, but I don't hold out much hope of a relationship happening, not the hope that I once had in him. In the meantime R & I talk everyday and agree that we, well, that we like each other....alot. He currently works nights & should go back to days in May, so we agree to wait. Wait until his schedule changes, wait until we can do this the right way. We agree to not physically see each other between now & then, to continue to talk & get to know each other better and not be tempted with the physical attraction part of it. We agree to not see other people during this time, basiclly to wait for each other. I know, that sounds crazy, sounds weird, but I can't even begin to describe R. He's amazing, he's like no one I've ever met, he's everything I never thought I could find. (and did I mention he's hot?! yep, he is!)

So now...D knows something is up. See's me pulling back, wants to know if I'm OK, if I need to talk, what's going on. And he's calling...all the time. To let me know he's on the way to the hosptial, hurt his back, to ask if I've seen his cell phone earpiece (WTF?), to tell me that work sucks, to ask if I'm OK, to make me laugh in the middle of the day in hopes of putting me in a better mood. He's not helping. He's not making this easier. And now I'm stuck. Do I push him away & risk it all for R? Do I let him know about R & see if he steps it up? Dare I tell R about D? And as one friend pointed out, if I'm that into R, why am I finding it hard to let go of D?

I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I didn't know it would be so hard.